Genei Ryodan Topsecret
by TenshiHana
Summary: How their life was before the Genei Ryodan was formed


disclaimers: I do not own any Genei Ryodans or any hunter x hunter characters. This wonderful characters are properties of Yoshihiro Togashi.   
  
Prologue POV1: Kuroro I'm not who people think I am. On the outside, I appear good-nature, easy-going and simple. I love attention and I have a sense of humor. That's all my outside features. Outside. Only the outside. In the inside, I really don't understand myself...my confusing emotions led me to hate others for no reason at all. Hate...Why do I hate people? Why do I always feel that someone is betraying me? I hate this feeling.... I hate my emotions...I hate myself. That's why I've decided to distance myself from others. Building a wall instead of a bridge. I've sworn to myself that never again will I open up to another. Never again will express what I feel. Never again will I be hurt or have someone betray my trust. Never again. Trust...Happiness...Love, those are emotions that made the human race weak. So weak that they're letting their emotions rule over them. I don't dare be like those weaklings. I won't let any of my emotions control me because I'm not weak. I was born strong and I learned to stay that. Forever. What everyone sees right now is a mask. A mask full of sufferings and hate. Filled with the pain and emptiness of betrayal. Who will accept me despite this? Who's foolish enough to trust me, unknown of my past? Should I look for them or will they come together and find me? In school Hundreds of heads was all I could see. People pushing and screaming in every direction. Girls squealing about their summer love. Boys bragging about how they grew 10 inches taller than their dad. Noise. People. Disgusting. I scanned all the people's faces. Some look friendly, others a snob, some are really weird-looking. No one here that I knew. Good. No one will talk to me. No one shall bother me or pester me throughout high school. I'm all alone.  
  
POV2: Pakunoda These past few weeks, I had too many problems on my mind, worries, love, sacrifices, despair, finally; melancholies. The past seems to linger on my mind again and this time, it has worsened. It bothers me. I looked around my surroundings and everywhere, anywhere I go, all I see are happy loving couples around me. It saddens me. Reminds me of my moments with him. I shrugged the thought of but later I was thinking of the word 'love' again. Love is alive within couples. I sighed deeply thinking, how about me? Can I not love again? Asking myself, how can I be happier? Wondering, can I be free again and love the people I wish to love? But no, love is a lie. I know, I believed in love before but today it's just a rubbish word for me. I had to sort things out, I finally realized. But how do I start, where do I start? Let me make things clearer for you. People know me as Pakunoda, and Paku, as I am fondly called. I'm an average student in middle school. Fortunately, I'm able to pass all my subjects, I don't have arguments with my teachers and I live a normal, healthy, happy, worry-free life- that is what they see outside. They never really knew me. Outside, people see a sweet, sensitive, understanding, optimistic, sincere, respectful, matured- thinker, loving, friendly, has a fashion sense and irresistibly superb Paku. They don't see the real me. I won't say I'm popular in school because I 'm not the drop-dead, down to earth gorgeous type. Although often I get a lot of attention. I knew a lot of people and just the same they quite knew me well too. I never quite got to know them, though. I just practically know their name, interests and hobbies. But I didn't know how they see the evolving world around them, their ups and downs or how they reflect on how they're treated in this cruel world. I never knew their problems, they never came to me whenever they needed emotional help, I guess I was just not the person for that. People judge me, because of my outer covering, because of my appearance and how I dealt with people. They think I don't get hurt or they think I have no problems in life, but in fact I do. So I hated them for that and because of it, my inner feelings grew cold, yet I did not show it, I remained calm, quiet and patient just as they knew Pakunoda. But deep inside? My anger burns within. Yes, I knew a lot of people, but I never considered one as my friend, they're just there to keep me company. They're not there to understand me; I never trusted them with my inner feelings, daily experiences, ambitions in life. They wouldn't get my points. Things aren't always what they seem, I could just laugh at them for misjudging my feelings, 'cause they think I don't get insecure. I didn't want to mix up with people like that. So insensitive, unforgiving, pre-mature thinker, thick and show-offs. I despise them all. But what can I do? people around me are really like that, so I had no choice but to blend in. Still, I didn't open up to them, so they never really knew I felt that way. I had no friends so I was alone, I had no friends so no one knew I had past events in my life that gave me heartaches, there was now a barrier between me and the people around, I didn't want them to know that Paku, such a perfectionist person they look up to had a life like that. It was so unbelievable, but I was afraid to trust people, especially when it comes to the secrets of the past... I'm still searching for people who'd understand me and who would see through my inner feelings. Of course I'll have to wait, for destiny and fate would bring me the right people. I have to be patient. I have to wait. I just don't know for how long...  
  
POV3: Hisuka People get bewildered at my forsaken attitude. They tend to make first impressions even though I am far away I hear and see their heart and mind telling themselves that I look weird that I don't leave in this disputed arrogant world. Sometimes I ask myself what's the reason for leaving her. People get weak because they show their emotions. When I see people showing their feelings I despise and see rubbish. Some people, when they look into my eye's they see a tall well built thin and handsome being who's intimacy maybe deep in those blue liked eyes. Even for me I am mysterious blinded from the forsaken past, the past that I am the only can know. The past that I never want to come back. I like other people who can see in my dark bewildered heart that I am a cold-hearted killer forsaken to love and to have emotional feelings again. Insensitive, ruthless when my taste of blood wakes up. Why do they call me Hisuka in my past life? Because I am a son of a demon "the devils' eye's. I can kill anyone who I want anytime I go to any place I want. Sometimes I wonder what if I still live in that place, in that time being what would my life be.People see me as a person who has mind or world of its own, my mind is always flying away absent minded in short. Happy go lucky people tend to say that because they see a person who has many faces but one mind one body and one soul. I hate seeing groups of people I'm disgusted especially if there celebrating but I tend to have happiness when a group of people are suffering in agony in intense pain especially when they all die and when I see them floating in pool of their own blood. That's why my instinct of being an assassin or a killer rises up when I hunger for the sight or taste of killing someone. But my life is lonely never did have true friends maybe this is a life of a half demon. I'm wishing for a friend to come in my life to understand me and to be with me but will never change me for I have no conscience when i kill... My love one.................................. How i wish you where here  
  
POV4: Cortopi They know me as the "name it, she has it" type. They know me as the rich, achieve-all person who is also known as the "walking bible" They say I have everything one can ask for. They think I'm happy with what I have. I have insecurities too. They don't know me but in reality, I live in a world full of lies. Too many things happened for a short time. I reminisce the days when my parents bought every book there is in the bookshop and told me to read everything for only a week. I really wanted to answer them back I wanted to rebel. I wanted to show them who I really was but I kept it deep inside. I kept it for no reason at all. I ended up reading everything in two months. I got reprimanded because of that. There was also a time when I was playing in our huge garden. They told me to keep off the grass, don't pick the flowers, like hell I know! They forbade me ever since to step in our garden grounds. I was kept inside the house; I was kept inside my own room. I was forbidden to go to the music room, to the trophy room, to the TV room. There were times I wanted to commit suicide however, whenever I finally make up my mind, I tend to lose the courage to do it. I never knew anyone. No friends no loved ones, no one to talk to, and no one to lean on. They say I have everything, they say I need no more, that's what they find in me. Yes I was rich. But I didn't like those words that rung in my ears. "You have everything" In reality, they do not know, I have nothing. No. nothing. How I wish someday, I could tell that someone how I feel. How I really feel. Someday. I wish.  
  
POV5: Shalnark I didn't have any problems with my blasted life. I was a top notcher, an honored student. I was highly respected. Idolized. It's as if they would want to worship me every time I pass by. They loved me. The girls would whisper every time I wink at them. They'd faint every time I'd hold their hand. Yeah. I was sick of that, but I didn't make it as a problem. I wanted to show them I was grateful that they treated me special. I wanted them to feel how I feel. I wanted to show them how it is to feel that way. But they never gave me a chance. The boys were really envious. Even their girlfriends would run after me. Sometime in history, I knew I'd grow tired of being followed around by fans, as if I was an action star or something. But something in my mind still lingers around, looking for content. Looking for a piece of mind. When I looked at the scenery, I found out that each person in my life just wanted to be close to me because of my looks, my outer skin. They didn't look at me as if I was normal like them. They did not treat me as a person. They treated me as if I was someone immortal, someone who was supernatural, and someone who was nearly like God. I didn't want that. I wanted to be known as Shalnark, the human being, and not Shalnark, the great. I sure was a perfectionist, I wanted success in life, but I didn't want it to turn out like this. I hope I find serenity somewhere here in this huge world.  
  
POV6: Shizuko I am a normal, average, gal who wants to become a part of a crowd. I wanted to fit in and make decisions by myself. I want to feel at home and to be loved in behalf of my forgetfulness and forgetfulness. I forget several things like the fact that I am a left handed person and not right. I forget to do assignments, I forget to wake up early in the morning and go to school. People despised me because of those matters. They say I belong to oblivion world and of course, I would definitely cry because of these things. It wasn't meant to happen but I really needed friends to tell my worries to. I'd cry not in public but in the depths of my soul where no one could see me. I did not let my tears flow through my eyes, why would I do such thing? I'd let my emotions race within my inner self. In that way, no one would find out these things got through me and hurt me a lot. How sad. I often see couples together happily walking underneath the moonlit night hoping someone would care for me that way too. I have my ever-dearest mother who knew my feelings and would tell me that everything would be fine. But I know deep inside, she understands little of me. I know she is desperate to know why I act so strange at times, but she never asked me whenever I'm around, so and I will never tell. Seeking for answers to my questions, I hope a wise king would approach me one time and tell me what to do. I hope that time comes.  
  
POV7: Machi Many fall for my beautiful face my appearance pushed the boys towards me but I shoved them away, afraid I'd hurt their feelings and as well as mine. So I was labeled as the person who cannot feel. Outside, I show no signs of hardships and emotion. I have no comment in whatever gossip they make. I do not react. I am empty. Yet, on the outside, I achieve my goals, I strive to be the best, I get what I want. I never accepted defeat. Never. Inside, I am a mild and contented person who loves attention and wants to share dreams to people. But how can I? No one even dares to come near me because of my attitude. Afraid I would eat them? Probably. Though I know I am the one who should adjust a bit, I will not agree to be the one to loosen up. My life has been full of mysteries and ironies so I wrap myself with this shield that connects me to the public. I want to find peace and tranquility by myself. I wanted to be alone and hide from the troubles my life has experienced. I want to hide myself away from all these because deep inside I don't want people ordering me around and laughing at my mistakes. I never smiled nor frowned. I myself was afraid of what will the outcome of my attitude be if I start smiling or I start getting angry at people for no reasons at all. I know someday, life would stop being cruel to me. I know one day I'd finally stop torturing myself and get rid of this silence that binds me with and lastly, find all things I am looking for.  
  
POV8: Feitan A person who is open to people, a person who loves to share the laughter and fun with others, usually, the life of the party and for short "Popular". People know me as the ever-glorified Feitan. They come to me for advises and asks me to solve their problems and mistakes. They approach me and share with me their problems, their ups and downs. I loved helping them, I wanted to help them but there are times that whenever they tell me their problems, I am the one who is affected. I realized that I could tell them what to do and how to deal with life and everything. I could solve their problems but I cannot solve mine. I am an open person so many people knows this. If it was now my turn to ask them things I could not find out by myself, they would turn me down. Thinking I could handle it myself, the others push me away. Leaving me alone with my own troubles. I hated it. I wanted to find someone who'd accept me for who I am and what I am. I wanted to feel free about sharing anything to a person. I know it was impossible to find a perfect person like this but I know a friend would be the best for me to have.  
  
Author's notes: TenshiHana: Prologue, finished at last!!! Isn't it quite long for a prologue? Did you fall asleep? Dear readers out there, I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience. This fic is really going so slow. Gomen gomen gomen. promise I'll make it up to you guys.. *Ryodans, howz life? Hope you're feeling great! Good luck in our exams!! Cheers!! Feitan, Shizuko, Cortz, and Shal Thanks for everything.. love you so much! ^_^ Lovelotz, ~*bb nxy*~ 


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